Since we made a Big Lebowski Rule in Round I, let’s continue that in Round II and call it the Effin’ Lebowski Rule and it’s dead simple: the coach we think likely to drop more F bombs wins (we wouldn't have chosen this if Duke was in because someone would have accused us of rigging it). Toss-up factor: most violent mascot.
Anyway, let’s roll!
Mark Few seems entirely too wholesome to drop a lot of F bombs, plus the brothers at Gonzaga would have reminded him it’s not very Catholic. Lon Kruger seems like the kind of guy who curses under his breath a lot and did you ever see his ‘70s porno mustache? Sooner or later, it’s Oklahoma.
Gregg McDermott has probably been cursing plenty lately, mostly at his own stupidity, but Tony Bennett drop the F bomb? If you say so, but he just usually seems serene and above it all. Sorry, Virginia. Back to the Rivanna with you! That’ll teach you to be wholesome. Go empathize with Few.
Drake vs. Kansas? There’s no doubt in our mind that Bill Self isn’t just a curser but an inventive one at that. Go with the Jayhawks here.
Fran McCaffery may be the best curser since Bob Knight left the game. He has serious rage issues and a possible personality disorder. Who knew that would come in handy? Iowa over VCU as McCaffery cursing lifts his team to greatness!
Let’s face reality: not only is Michigan’s Juwan Howard a champion curser but he's ready to throw down. And you know he would have been F-bombing Mark Turgeon’s face into the Lucas Oil Stadium floor last weekend. No matter how hard he curses, St. Bonnie’s Mark Schmidt is doomed in this one.
Lots of respect for Wes Miller here, but Patrick Ewing played for John Thompson who once said he spoke two languages: English and profanity. Georgetown will roll behind the immense power of profanity Ewing learned from Thompson.
Tom Izzo vs. Shaka Smart? Well we might have to defer to a mascot duel here. Spears are handy but Longhorns have, well, long horns. So Texas advances as Bevo wipes out the Spartan.
Nate Oats vs. a Hurley? You child. Hurleys may have invented the F-bomb. They certainly have all mastered it and all of them can go from 0-60 F-bombs in a heartbeat.
Next time try to get a game with BYU, Oats.
Scott Drew....hard to tell about that guy but we’re guessing he curses a fair amount. But Greg Gard has had quite a few transfers and a certain amount of undefinable tension in his program. So there’s bound to be a lot of cursing there. So the Badgers live!
Purdue vs. Villanova. We’re not totally sure here so we’re reinvoking the Wildcat bias. Done!
Utah State vs. Colgate will have to come down to the mascots and we already warned you last time about USU’s. So Colgate is a Cinderella team.
Mike Young vs. Chris Holtmann? We’re pretty sure Young wins here but if he doesn’t, a Hokie can always eat a Buckeye but a Buckeye could never eat a Hokie.
Illinois vs. Loyola. If Porter Moser curses, Sister Jean will get in his face and that would not be good. Plus Brad Underwood looks like an angry bouncer and we hear those guys may curse a fair amount. So take the Illini here.
Liberty loses big on this round because saying the F word could get a guy immediately fired at Jerry Falwell U. Flame out! Oregon State rolls.
Jim Boeheim can curse with just about anyone but Bob Huggins wrote the book. Seriously. It’s called A Loving History of the F Word By Effing Bob Huggins. Huggy probably minored in profanity so clearly, he’s moving on.
Finally, Rutgers and Cleveland State. Steve Pikiell seems like a sturdy curser but our info is limited. So let the mascots handle it. Knights are bound by a code of conduct while Vikings, as we all know, were bound by few rules. Take that, chivalry!
Now on to the Sweet 16.