clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

FITS Flits By!

A FITS exclusive! As the heroic UNC football team has just completed its regular season, having endured the heartache of a cheating (and now dismissed) associate head coach (how could Coach Butchie possible have known this was going on?), academically cheating players, a well known drug dealer sashaying thru the locker room on a regular basis, cheating players who received payments from agents, and all sorts of other sordid integrity-based mishaps, your airborn articulator of fecal frenzy has learned where the Blue Footed Boobies will be going for their hard-earned bowl game (they paid a lot for it, so it ought to be a good one).

So who wrote your term paper dude?

Indeed, on Saturday, December 18, the jewelry-bedecked, class-skipping, term paper non-writing Boobies will be heading to Lexington Kentucky where they will play in the inaugural Countrywide Mortgage-Enron Cheaters Bowl, where they will face (and this is the big news) the University of Connecticut basketball team, led by cheating Houdini Jim Calhoun himself.

While FITS understands that the respective "schools" are trying to work out the format of how the nation's foremost cheating football school will take on one of the leading basketball cheating schools (never forget Kentucky!), the big news is that former University of Kentucky head hoop coaches Eddie Sutton and Joe B. Hall have graciously agreed to officiate this momentous clash of grid and hardwood titans.

And since keeping an honest score could be a challenge when these two great institutions get together, FITS has learned that the U.S. Bureau of Prisons has agreed to allow Bernie Madoff to attend the event so that he can maintain the integrity of the scorekeeping.

Best of luck, Boobies!