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The Return Of FITS!

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The Bridge On the River Eno


The Walking Dead of the Dean Dome

Your faithful FITSter was enjoying a tranquil afternoon in front of the splendidly large TV Sunday watching the heroic Blue Footed Boobies of Chapel Hill take on the Commodores of Vanderbilt in an exciting hoop encounter. But while FITS sipped his evening cocktail with admirable equanimity, the rest of the FITS family seemed somewhat confused by what they were seeing.

"I thought The Walking Dead wasn't on until ten o'clock" observed Junior as the Tarheels morosely pushed themselves down the court, despite the frantic, arm-waving gestures of their famous coach Ol' Roy. "You have to shoot them in the head to stop them, you know" continued Junior, obviously referring to the hit AMC series which portrays a world populated by lurching, flesh-eating zombies after a virus kills off most of the regular folk.

So FITS had to explain to Junior that no, these weren't zombies, these were the proud UNC Tarheels, each starter plus several others being highly touted, high flying McDonalds All Americans.

"Then why are they moving so slowly?" queried Junior.

FITS put his cocktail down and began to explain to Junior why the Tarheels did sort of have a certain zombie je ne sais quoi about them when the lovely Mrs. FITS introduced even more confusion from the back of the room.

"I didn't know Bridge on the River Kwai" was on!, exclaimed the giddy Mrs. F. "I absolutely LOVE this movie!"

Once again, FITS had to put down the cocktail and explain that no, this wasn't the film about dejected, humiliated British prisoners of war forced to build a railroad bridge over an important river for the delight of their Japanese captors, under the direction of the Brits' increasingly insane commanding officer, Alec Guinness.

No, FITS explained, this was the story about dejected, humiliated University of North Carolina basketball players forced to play a uniquely ill-suited running game for the delight of Puerto Rican observers, under the direction of the Heels' increasing unhinged head coach, Ol' Roy Williams.

Undeterred by his family's impressions of the valiant Tarheels, FITS duly noted some of the improvements the Heels had made since their loss the day before to the Gophers of Minnesota. Justin Knox, the burly big man transfer from Alabama had improved his shooting range out to ten millimeters; John Henson's first airball from the foul line was directly on line with the hoop, if 18 inches short of the rim. Larry DrewToo's hallmark passes were still errant, but fewer inhabitants of press row felt compelled to wear protective headgear.

And corn country wunderkind Harrison Barnes actually hit a couple shots after his goose egg performance against the mighty Gophers the day before.

"Yeah, well they still look like zombies to me" muttered Junior as he hopped up and headed for the kitchen. "That number 40 zombie really does look neat."

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