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Dr. Michael Copeland Named Team Surgeon at UNCtuous

FITS, your airborne alliterator par excellence, had a tear in his eye the other day as he dropped his kids off at college. Seems like just yesterday they were crawling around the egg sac…..

En route to school, the FITSter dropped by the god-awful suburban sprawl known as Chapel Hill, where Coach Roy Williams could be seen at the helm of the good ship Tarheel, handing out graduation gifts like Monty Hall. What’s behind door number three, Rashad?

But FITS has to give credit where credit’s due, and who can dispute that The Royster has finally put the UNC back in UNCtuous? Smarmily oozing his patented false earnestness, Roy is truly on top of his game. UNCtuous couldn’t possibly have a more appropriate mentor. Ol’ Roy really is that good…..

Accordingly, Ol’ Roy has been rewarded with a late hoop signee, and what a heartwarming story it is!

Several months ago, Michael Copeland was a struggling high school student who needed to put some serious pizzazz in his GPA. Two quick correspondence (yes) courses later, Big Mike is a qualified student athlete at UNCtuous. Way to go, Mike!

And the heartwarming hardly stops there. FITS has learned that Copeland was so inspired by his correspondence prowess that he later enrolled in Dr. Nick Riviera’s renowned Medical School by Mail, where he was awarded not only his M.D. degree, but also his certificates for Residency, Internship, and Parallel Parking.

Not bad work for the month of July!

Athletic Director Dickie Baddour, the bad and dour one, knows a good thing when he sees it, and FITS hears that Dr. Copeland will soon be announced as the new team surgeon for UNCtuous hoops.

FITS isn’t sure what Dr. Mike’s first official operation will be (Dean Smith rhinoplasty rumors are crude, so don’t go there) though FITS does think he saw Dr. Mike with a liposuction syringe chasing a frightened Sean May through the Smith Center.