FITS, your maestro of macroeconomics, was buzzing around the home of Champagne Alan Greenspan the other day, hoping to pick up some inside word about the American economy. Your airborne acrobat found an open window in the senile sultan's mansion and finally located the drooling don of dollars nesting in his bathtub office, where he was scolding an unresponsive rubber duckie for "cacophonous quacking in the face of unrelenting downward gravitational pressures."
Failing the get a rise out of the carefree canard, Al began to peruse the sports section of a major national newspaper. Wiping bubbles off the page in several places, the forlorn Fedster suddenly tossed the paper in the air and began thrashing at the water with grand mal intensity.
"Andrea," squawked the emperor of exuberance, "inflation is clearly out of control! I'm calling a special meeting of the Fed right now!"
News nabob Andrea Mitchell bolted into the bathroom, nearly knocking the FITSter off the edge of the tub. She grabbed the offending journal and found the article which had caused the panic.
"Tarheels to Hang McCants' Jersey From Rafters" shouted the headline.
"This guy didn't even make first team All ACC and they're raising his number?" screeched the obviously distressed baron of bubbles.
"If this isn't a sign of inflation veering out of control, nothing is," continued agitated Al.
"Now, now dear, " said Ms. Mitchell in a soft, soothing voice which belied her 80 years and eight face lifts, "keep in mind, these are the same people who hung a "Third Place NIT" banner in their building. Evidently, according to their Tarheel rules, all they had to do is find some source, any source, which listed McCants as an All American. And when The Pottery Barn took the plunge and named McCants to their second team All American unit, the deal was done!"
"I guess it's only a matter of time before Kris Lang's jersey goes up" mumbled an obviously placated Greenspan as he gave his duckie a gentle squeeze.....