FITS loves nothing better than the scent of a truckload of grade A bovine
manure hitting the high speed fan, so yesterday's public meltdown in Chapel
Hill has your supercilious cyber-bug glued to his PC monitor.
The fireworks began when the ACC Sports Journal (published by a former
Tarheel hoopster, no less) went public with a story delineating the
atrocities of King Matt's Reign of Terror over the House of Orange County,
as described by the parents of current Tarheel players. The nightmarish
litany of charges of duplicity, disrespect and instability describe a
program on the verges of even more mass defections, unless the tall,
tempermental titan of terror is replaced by the garish blues.
Meanwhile, the purveyor of these happy tidings, Sports Journal editor Dave
Glenn, is reportedly seeking sanctuary in the mountainous region between
Carrboro and Pittsboro known as the Boro Boro region. FITS also hears
that Glenn has sought council from Salman Rushdie as to how he may best
begin a new, somewhat lower profile life, in light of the Franklin Street
Fatwa he faces.
Still other stories emanating from Heeldom confirm what FITS already
suspected: during Sunday's second half fracas in Chapel Hill, Rashad
McCants did in fact seek political asylum from Coach K and the Duke team,
with the locquacious freshman reportedly asking the venerable Duke mentor
"Got any room for me on THIS bench the rest of the season, Coach?"
FITS took a spin over the UNC campus early this morning, and found coaches
Who's It and Mini Me taking turns standing under the Bell Tower awaiting
the downward arrival of their fearless, if slightly deranged, leader.
Your sixfooted sultan of sarcasm also wonders if the rumors could be true
that Larry "Instant Probation" Brown could be returning to The Hill next
year as head coach. If so, FITS would like to know if LeBron James' father
has ever had aspirations of becoming an assistant college coach, since Ed
Manning would no doubt recommend him for the job..