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The FITSter Checks In!

can appreciate enthusiasm as much as your average insect, and
wasn't he delighted to have a look at the all new, hyper-enthusiastic
Tarheel squad for 2000 as the Kentucky Wildcats (1-3) limped into Chapel

From Coach D'oh!'s participation in warmups (can that guy high five, or
what?) to the crowd chants at the end of the game (as the Good Ship
Tarheel slipped quietly beneath the waves), there's clearly a new feel
to the Parakeet Dome.

OK, so maybe the new courtside students WERE chanting "overrated" at
their own team but, hey, at least they were paying attention. FITS
assumes they might've been happier watching the carnage from their old
seats up there with the pigeons in the 5000 section.

Meanwhile Coach D'oh! revealed some new defenses, both zone and man to
man, though the fact that two guys were often playing zone and three
were attempting man to man did lend an aura of Mexican flea market
randomness to the "defense."

Meanwhile, Dick "Willy Loman" Baddour's rabid pursuit of Western
Michigan's Gary Darnell seems to have born no edible fruit, and when
last seen the baby blues' hapless bumblemeister was reportedly heading
down to New Orleans in pursuit of anyone interested in coaching the
Tarheel pigskin squad. At least one drag queen has been quoted as saying
that "I'm not sure I want to coach that team, but I just love the color
of their uniforms."

Mystery Solved! While all of Orange County has speculated on the source
of the steaming pile of poop on the Dean Dome floor, FITS has learned
that a red-faced Tarheel hoopster has privately apologized to Coach
D'oh! for misunderstanding Coach's request to "leave it all on the