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FITS on Musical Chairs, Baddour-Style

FITS was flapping over traffic congested Chapel Hill yesterday when he
heard what sounded like merry-go-round music emanating from hapless Dick
Baddour's homestead. Zooming in for a closer look, your aerial aristocrat
was astonished to find a game of musical chairs in progress. A dozen grown
men cautiously circled around eleven chairs, and when Dean's lackey finally
yanked the Gramophone cord from the wall, coaches Schottenheimer, Darnell,
Beamer, Donnan, Lombardi, Walsh, Rockne et al had all found seats, leaving
only John ("Even Rutgers doesn't want me") Bunting standing. FITS offers
his sincerest condolences to The Bunster, UNC's "choice" for football
coach, and notes only parenthetically that had Big John passed up his fifth
serving at Shoney's Big Breakfast Buffet he might have had the lateral
mobility to avoid this unfortunate situation.