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The FITSter Strikes!

Whenever your humble FITSter is bored, he flaps on over to the quaint
little strip mall known as Chapel Hill for a whopping dose of levity.

And this week's belly-tickling entertainment was provided by the Willy
Loman of college athletic directors, Mr. Done Deal himself, Tricky Dick
Baddour. Hot off the multi-bungled signing of his eleventh choice for
Tarheel hoop coach, Saint Dean's handpicked choice for athletic director
dangled a chunk of his finest Tar Heel cheese in front of Virginia
Tech's Frank Beamer.

And tasty cheese it must have been, for no less a luminary than Tarheel
apologist and would-be-insider Lost Art Chansky proclaimed the Head
Hokie to be "all but signed, sealed, and delivered" as the Tarheels'
next football coach. Just like Roy Williams, Frank Beamer couldn't say
no the Southern Part of Heaven. D'oh!

Note to Dick Baddour: better ask Santa for some breath mints.

FITS' own investigation reveals that Coach Beamer was mighty impressed
with Dick Baddour's Altoid-less tour until he came upon the Dean Dome's
Deposed Coaches Dungeon where, he noted to a friend, "They've got guys
stacked like cordwood." Clearly unnerved by the ghoulishly sightless
gazes of non-coaches Guthridge, Smith, Ford, Hanners, Sullivan and
Torbush, the befuddled Beamer made a beeline back to Blacksburg, leaving
the Loman-esque Baddour one coach short of quota.

FITS update: while one national media giant credited FITS' "well aimed
streams of invective," FITS would like to state that in conjunction with
the presumed election of a new President, FITS will hereafter be
dispensing Compassionate Invective.

Accordingly, FITS wishes to express his sincere condolences that his
flat headed friends down the road on 15-501 can't find a football coach,
had to give the hoop job to a Muppet, get nearly as many athletes into
jail as grad school, and have begun to jam stiff bodies into Pharaoh
Dean's Sorry-Ass Hoop Pyramid.