A FITS exclusive! In late breaking news, FITS has learned that some
quick thinking Tarheel hoopsters have foiled a group of UNC fans who had
planned to hang coach Bill Guthridge in Effigy today before the crucial
road game against Virginia.
After much discussion, several of the team's geography majors determined
that Effigy is located "just outside of Gastonia." They then contacted
noted math whiz and Tarheel-Recruit-In-Perpetuity Jason Parker who
calculated that at a distance of approximately 120 miles from Chapel
Hill, and an average speed of 60 miles per hour, team members should be
able to arrive in Effigy "in about three and a half hours."
A carload of pastel warriors, including veteran conflict mediators
"Panama Ed" Cota and "Ten Thumbs Terrence" Newby, reportedly made their
way to Effigy and foiled the potentially embarrassing plot, without so
much as awakening their beleaguered coach!