A FITS exclusive! Our beguiled bug was recently perusing the mocha
latte littered streets of Chappaheeya when he stumbled upon the hoop news item of the
year. FITS has always wondered how the Smurf Blues could repeatedly talk
about how they "NEVER recruit over current players" while they perpetually
appear (to the unknowing) to do just that.
Well, it would seem that our good friends at VilifiedCom, fresh from their universally
hailed discovery of artificial crowd noise, have been secretly huddled with Dean Smith,
Lost Art Chansky, and Clifford Irving. And they've come up with a real "must
have" for the die-hard hoop fan in your household.
Yes, "Daffy Dean's UNC Recruiting Rules," a handsome 12-volume leather bound
set, is soon to be made available for the remarkably low price of only $995 (nearly half
the value of a Tar Heel diploma)!
FITS got a sneak preview and found the book to be well worth every
Ever wonder how Brian "Marble Massage" Bersticker could be recruited over two
years in a row, without being recruited over? Well, you probably didn't know about the
once every two years Massive Overbite Exemption which Kris Lang managed to qualify for; Or
the Bigger Than a Pregnant Sow Exemption which this year allows Jason "Mom, is 800 a
bigger number than 820?" Parker to bring his love of academia and fried foods into
town, bumping the beloved Stick once again deep into the bench of which he has grown so
Then there's Joe Forte who this year merits the "Guy from a state in which lots of
seafood is consumed" exemption, only the second time in 30 years this exemption has
been utilized! Sorry, Max!
Yes, it's all there in black and white (and stomach-turning blue) and yours if you act
soon and order your copy of Daffy Dean's Recruiting Rules!
FITS hears that if you call the good folks at VilifiedCom right now,
they'll throw in a free copy of "Dean's Extremely Excellent Analysis of How European
Play Affects NCAA Eligibility." Vasco "Asok the Intern" Evtimov swears by
And for the first 100 callers, FITS hears that they'll also receive a
copy of "Dean's Sage Advice to Vince: Stay in School." That's right, Vince, if
you'd have listened to the Sultan of Schnozz you wouldn't have to lug that Rookie of the
Year trophy around in the land of sixty-five cent dollars. Tough break Vince, eh?
Call now! Operators are standing by...and if all operators are busy, calls will be
answered not by the customary order in which they are received, but by any order which
suits Daffy Dean!