The FITSter was delighted to wing on over to Chapel Hill to observe
the ritual dismemberment of the tacky blue locals in the humongous Mausoleum
Dome. Looking at the Carolina team and crowd in that cavernous monument to poor taste, FITS
concluded, as Uncle Homer used to say, that place is all hat and no cattle.
FITS delighted in checking out the unique Tarheel concessions; where else
do they serve up half liter Geritols along with the cokes?
FITS does owe the crowd something of an apology. As the Heels' chances
dissipated faster than an Ed Cota injury, FITS thought he saw a bunch of the geezers
winging dimes on the floor (hey, pennies would be too cheap for these high rollers), only
to find they were throwing hearing aid batteries. FITS regrets the error! (Whaddya say,
Vern?)
FITS enjoyed watching the spasmodic lurching motions of Vasco "Asok
the Intern" Evtimov, which reminded him of recently departed Saint Dean.(The holy
one, when last seen, advised Vince Carter to stay in school, and Antawn Jamison to leave,
only to find Carter drafted ahead of 'Tawn....and now Carter is enjoying more NBA success
as well.)Dean, as you may recall, masterminded Vasco's chaotically inept foray into French
professional hoops (oxymoronic, or what?), and that
particular brain cramp cost the meticulously coiffed Bulgarian half the season. Last
flight to Sofia, now boarding!
Hey, FITS might ridicule some of the Heel fans and players, but that
Polident Halftime Show was something else, I gotta admit!
Cousin Bob and I almost veered into one of the ludicrously multitudinous banners atop the
dome when we noticed that during each time out, an entire regiment of Chief Wiggum
lookalikes quickly ringed the court, as if to repel a threatened invasion of blue haired,
walkerette brandishing thugs! Can't be too careful!
FITS did learn some other cool stuff directly as a result of the visit,
and has submitted same to Trivial Pursuit for the upcoming Dean E. Smith Center special
Limited Edition. FITS now knows:
- Who buys all that tacky WalMart jewelry, and
- Which team took third place in the 1973 NIT (the honest-to-god most knee-slapplingly
funny banner ever hung from the top of a college hoop arena!)
Filed under: