Why doesn't my baby sleep??

[blublood]

Just thought I would throw this out there and see if any of the parents on the board have suggestions. We're getting desperate! Our baby is a little boy and he is a chunk of junk - over 20 pounds at 6 months.

Recently he has started waking up at nights whereas he didn't before. Now conventional wisdom says that we have to ignore him crying, not feed him, and eventually he'll get back to sleep but there are 2 problems with this approach: 1) he doesn't go back to sleep and 2) he devours a 4 oz. bottle, leading me to suspect that he actually is hungry.

Any thoughts? We've tried feeding him more during the day with no discernible result. If you let him cry, the crying just goes on and on and on without end which, again, makes me think that he actually does need something.

[HaveFunExpectToWin]

From what I can tell, the sleep through the night quest is a subject that brings out a lot of emotion and self doubt, so first of all I would take a step back and reassure yourself that you're not a bad parent or anything like that just b/c your son is waking up. (wow, that sounded very Dr. Phil-ish. scary)

My wife and I decided we couldn't deal with letting our daughter cry, so my wife researched some other methods and settled on taking some of the tips from this book (http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392).

I don't know if that's the right move for you or not. It could involve pretty crappy sleep for you for awhile. My daughter's 16mo now and has just recently settled down from her unpredictable sleeping pattern. As my pediatrician told me, it's not like you'll be rocking her to sleep in high school.

[-jk]

What do you suppose wakes him up? It may not be hunger. But once awake, though, he'll want something - anything - just because he's awake. We used Linda Ronstadt's lullaby CD to great effect on those nights.

If I recall, both of our (also big) 6 month olds could down about 6 oz right before bed, and both usually slept through 'til morning. We kept their rooms a bit warmer than the rest of the house and we used a white noise generator to mask the household noises (we have squeaky floors and the train track is a couple blocks away).

-jk

[Rich]

One word...Ferber. It's not pleasant, but it works, and it works within a week if you do it right. You don't even need to read the whole book. The concept is fairly easy and is explained early on in the book. I have two kids (ages 5 and 8) and we "Ferberized" both with great success. And no harm was done, as some might suggest.

Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0743201639/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205253991&sr=8-1

[OldPhiKap]

What age?

I think the two biggest culprits are hunger and cold/hot. Noise and vibrations didn't seem to phase my kids when they were young. Also, if he won't go back down after his snack, it might be gas.

Good luck -- the good news is, sleep deprivation is a good buzz.

[lmb]

My boys both hit a stage around 9 months where they woke up at night. I would let them cry for 5-10 minutes. Often they would fall asleep on their own. Sometimes it was obvious that they weren't going to, so I would rub their backs without picking them up. They also had one of those Fisher Price aquariums so I would turn that on. From what I recall, it usually worked.

The infant years seemed to me to be a series of stages. Every month or so, my boys went through some quirky behavior. It would last about two weeks and then be done. So I would advise patience because this will pass.

Also, try giving a pacifier instead of a bottle. That may be a clue as to whether or not the baby wants to be comforted or is hungry.

That's all I know to tell you. Of course, each child is different and you know your child best.

[cspan37421]

FWIW, we used the "Ferber" method and our kids are OK. That said, I'd bet other kids who were coddled in terms of sleep are probably OK too. The downsides of the latter are that a) you don't get to sleep as well when you're constantly trying to baby them, and b) it could lead you to coddle them in other realms of life as they grow up, and that definitely does cause problems.

My gut feeling is that waaay too many people believe there's only one right way, one that fits everyone's situation. Having said that, I recommend you at least read the Ferber book, consider the arguments, and discuss with your pediatrician.

[g_olaf]

Any thoughts? We've tried feeding him more during the day with no discernible result. If you let him cry, the crying just goes on and on and on without end which, again, makes me think that he actually does need something.

"Chunk of Junk" --love it.

Our boy did the same thing around 6 months. Prior to that, he would sleep through the night. By the time he hit 6 months, he was waking up at least twice a night, ravenously hungry. Now he's 9 months, he wakes up once (around 3).

Tried 'ferberizing' our daughter. Yeah, right. I guess we "didn't do it right". But thats also the book that says that its not a big deal when they cry so hard that they throw up all over themselves.

Agree with the issue of stages... every time the boy does something new (solid foods, learning to crawl, first time on the swing), sleep falls apart.

[blublood]

What do you suppose wakes him up?

-jk

Well, sometimes the cat does, as seen on a previous post. But as much as I don't want to, I think we're going to have to try some modified version of Ferberizing (maybe waiting 5 minutes then 10, etc.) because giving him more to eat doesn't seem to be making a dent. The other weird thing is that when he's starting to cry and fuss and suck his thumb, he seems to be unconscious - at least, if you pat him or try talking to him, there's no effect. Once he wakes up, he's not crying anymore but then it's like, "Oh, Mommy *you're* here too! Hooray, let's play!" :D

[willywoody]

that sounds more like night terrors but don't know how common that is at 6 months.

[Dukiedevil]

My wife and I tried the cry-it-out thing and it just didn't work for us. It depends on the person and the baby and those that say that you know your baby better than anyone else are absolutely right. Our baby is nine months old and still wakes up once a night to eat. My wife breastfeeds, so we keep her in close proximity at night so as to minimize sleep disturbance.

One thing to keep in mind is that milk/formula does not stay in the system as long as solids so your child may actually BE hungry... The most important thing is to find what you feel most comfortable with. We tried a lot of things before coming to that realization.

[The Gordog]

that sounds more like night terrors but don't know how common that is at 6 months.

Night terrors come much later (if at all) around age 3 or 4 with the onset of dreaming.

[The Gordog]

From what I can tell, the sleep through the night quest is a subject that brings out a lot of emotion and self doubt, so first of all I would take a step back and reassure yourself that you're not a bad parent or anything like that just b/c your son is waking up. (wow, that sounded very Dr. Phil-ish. scary)

My wife and I decided we couldn't deal with letting our daughter cry, so my wife researched some other methods and settled on taking some of the tips from this book (http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392).

I don't know if that's the right move for you or not. It could involve pretty crappy sleep for you for awhile. My daughter's 16mo now and has just recently settled down from her unpredictable sleeping pattern. As my pediatrician told me, it's not like you'll be rocking her to sleep in high school.
I think this book (http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b) is much better, but that's just what worked for us. What I don't understand is why you are limiting him to 4 oz. (why you are not breastfeeding is another question but perhaps there was a physical reason preventing that). Feed him as much as he wants IMHO.

[willywoody]

Night terrors come much later (if at all) around age 3 or 4 with the onset of dreaming.

that's what i thought but the child's actions as described are a little strange.

as a thought, you could consider a later feeding or even waking the child late night before this occurs.

that fisher price aquarrium is a godsend , too, but the old style one may have been phased out in favor of a digital version which may not be so great, i don't know.

[willywoody]

this has been useful for us also:


http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Soothing-Calming-Sounds-sounds/dp/B000CPGYE4/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1205263002&sr=8-2

[hughgs]

Just thought I would throw this out there and see if any of the parents on the board have suggestions. We're getting desperate! Our baby is a little boy and he is a chunk of junk - over 20 pounds at 6 months.

Recently he has started waking up at nights whereas he didn't before. Now conventional wisdom says that we have to ignore him crying, not feed him, and eventually he'll get back to sleep but there are 2 problems with this approach: 1) he doesn't go back to sleep and 2) he devours a 4 oz. bottle, leading me to suspect that he actually is hungry.

Any thoughts? We've tried feeding him more during the day with no discernible result. If you let him cry, the crying just goes on and on and on without end which, again, makes me think that he actually does need something.

In general, research has shown that feeding kids more doesn't make them sleep longer. From our experience, the questions I would ask is what are his sleep habits during the day. More sleep tends to beget better sleep, which is somewhat counter-intuitive. Or, if he's transitioning then you could be stealing night time sleep for the afternoon. I would also ask you to quantify "... the crying goes on and on and on without end ..." Is that 2 hours of crying, or just 20 minutes? You have to realize that your child is now able to manipulate you. Understanding that helps in understanding why some strategies work or why different stratiegies may require more time.

[CathyCA]

Have you tried mixing a little cereal into your baby's diet? Your baby is probably hungry, especially at 20 pounds. Four ounces at a time isn't a lot of food for a baby that large.

My second child cried a lot because he was gassy. Mylicon drops stopped the crying.

[blublood]

... for now. :) The pediatrician suggested that we not give him such a heavy bottle right before he goes to sleep (he normally gets quite a bit of cereal mixed in with it) since apparently that can make babies hungrier during the night. We tried that approach last night and he did sort of grumble around and fuss in his sleep, but never got into full-scale crying. Of course it could just be random coincidence, but I prefer not to think about that. (why is there so much sand down here in this nice, quiet hole?)

I had the same thought about the night terrors especially since his daddy had the same thing in his toddler years. Supposedly, he is too young for that by at least 6 months but, ehhhhh.... I don't know.

Anyway, I really appreciate everybody giving perspective and encouragement. Who was it that found out he was going to be a daddy recently? Get ready, brother!

[hughgs]

... for now. :) The pediatrician suggested that we not give him such a heavy bottle right before he goes to sleep (he normally gets quite a bit of cereal mixed in with it) since apparently that can make babies hungrier during the night. We tried that approach last night and he did sort of grumble around and fuss in his sleep, but never got into full-scale crying. Of course it could just be random coincidence, but I prefer not to think about that. (why is there so much sand down here in this nice, quiet hole?)

I had the same thought about the night terrors especially since his daddy had the same thing in his toddler years. Supposedly, he is too young for that by at least 6 months but, ehhhhh.... I don't know.

Anyway, I really appreciate everybody giving perspective and encouragement. Who was it that found out he was going to be a daddy recently? Get ready, brother!

Hmm, they get hungrier when they're fed more? That seems a little weird, though it may be true. I think a better explanation (and I'm speculating) is that your child is actually waking up to urinate and when it's heavy he's becoming more alert and isn't quite as good at comforting himself back to sleep.