Great date ends in Unnecessary Embarassment

[EarlJam]

Okay, just have to post this to get it off my chest.

Went out with a girl tonight. Had a great time. Good food, good conversation. All is well. So I go to pay for dinner. The server comes back to say:

"I'm sorry sir but your card has been declined."

Huh? I ask her to run it again knowing full well I have plenty of money in my account to pay for dinner. She comes back.

"Sorry sir, it was declined again. Can you pay in some other way?"

Totally embarrassed, I pay with another credit card. Now. I'm not rich, but I'm not broke either. I know I have the funds in the account. I call my bank after the date is over and they say the account is in great standing, no issues, and they show no signs of the restaurant even trying to process the transaction.

By then, however, the damage is done. The girl treated me differently from that point, as if I were making excuses to prove I wasn't broke. I couldn't say anything because although I would be telling the absolute truth, it just wouldn't come across that way.

What a pisser. I, EarlJam, am steamed, embarrassed, and wondering if I can sue for emotional damages.

-EarlJam

[billybreen]

What a pisser. I, EarlJam, am steamed, embarrassed, and wondering if I can sue for emotional damages.

-EarlJam

Pain. That's why I always carry my gold card. It's made of gold.

[allenmurray]

Okay, just have to post this to get it off my chest.

Went out with a girl tonight. Had a great time. Good food, good conversation. All is well. So I go to pay for dinner. The server comes back to say:

"I'm sorry sir but your card has been declined."

Huh? I ask her to run it again knowing full well I have plenty of money in my account to pay for dinner. She comes back.

"Sorry sir, it was declined again. Can you pay in some other way?"

Totally embarrassed, I pay with another credit card. Now. I'm not rich, but I'm not broke either. I know I have the funds in the account. I call my bank after the date is over and they say the account is in great standing, no issues, and they show no signs of the restaurant even trying to process the transaction.

By then, however, the damage is done. The girl treated me differently from that point, as if I were making excuses to prove I wasn't broke. I couldn't say anything because although I would be telling the absolute truth, it just wouldn't come across that way.

What a pisser. I, EarlJam, am steamed, embarrassed, and wondering if I can sue for emotional damages.

-EarlJam

You should try to get something in writing from the bank stating that they have no evidence that any transaction was attempted, then meet with the restaurant manager. That level of incompetence shouldn't be tolerated. the entire job of a wait person is customer service.

But it won't help you with the girl. That is done.

[snowdenscold]

Ouch - there's really just no good way to redeem that.

I'm running through a ton of possible scenarios, but all have problems. Hopefully you convinced her it really was a mistake and she'll reflect on this and give you another chance. Good luck.

And if not - well, then she wasn't the right girl for you anyway ;)

[cato]

Okay, just have to post this to get it off my chest.

Went out with a girl tonight. Had a great time. Good food, good conversation. All is well. So I go to pay for dinner. The server comes back to say:

"I'm sorry sir but your card has been declined."

Huh? I ask her to run it again knowing full well I have plenty of money in my account to pay for dinner. She comes back.

"Sorry sir, it was declined again. Can you pay in some other way?"

Totally embarrassed, I pay with another credit card. Now. I'm not rich, but I'm not broke either. I know I have the funds in the account. I call my bank after the date is over and they say the account is in great standing, no issues, and they show no signs of the restaurant even trying to process the transaction.

By then, however, the damage is done. The girl treated me differently from that point, as if I were making excuses to prove I wasn't broke. I couldn't say anything because although I would be telling the absolute truth, it just wouldn't come across that way.

What a pisser. I, EarlJam, am steamed, embarrassed, and wondering if I can sue for emotional damages.

-EarlJam

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Terrible. The only consolation is this: you will get serious mileage out of this story over the years. You don't know how things would have turned out differently if this hadn't happened, but you will always have the funny story (once you get over being urinated off, and see it as funny). Heck, it could even provide a nice story to keep in your pocket for awkward pauses on future first dates.

[DevilAlumna]

OwwwwwwWWW! That's harsh, man. If it did change how she acted around you, shame on her. That said, if you do talk again, find some way to slip in the same thing you just told us, namely:

That the bank blamed the server, that you talked to the restaurant manager, that they saw that this server was scamming money from the till, and thanks to your diligence, the server was fired and facing criminal charges, and you got a $100 gift certificate to the restaurant.

It'll make her a little more confident about your honesty and trustworthiness. ;)


Out of curiosity, did she make any effort at offering to pay instead, and/or pay her own way? (Really, just curious, I was always a 'go dutch' or 'take turns' dater as long as I knew the guy was of the same means as me.)

One final word -- cash. (A man who always has cash on hand is a rarity these days. Why is that??)

[dukepsy1963]

she is not...never could be... the girl for you (if you're looking, that is). The "right" lady would have laughed about it with you....been steamed with you... felt your embarassment,...maybe offered to pay, etc.

Don't waste any time thinking about it. Push on.

I speak from experience.... believe me....

[YmoBeThere]

There are a couple of intermediaries in the credit/debit card chain. So while many will want to blame the restaurant, they are merely attempting to process the transaction and do what they are told by the processor that they deal with. Having worked for a major issuer of cards that runs its own network, this is one of the biggest complaints cardmembers have and considerable resources are spent preventing this from happening.

If something like this does happen, I would recommend trying to put some gas in your car with a low dollar transaction at a pay at the pump location. This does a couple things:

1) Lets you test the card without anyone seeing it
2) Gives you an idea of whether the issue was the restaurant's processor or if the fault may be at your bank/further upstream.

I have had this happen a few times(rejected transactions but fortunately not on a date) I usually pull out cash to complete the transaction and mumble something about not getting points/cash back for this transaction. Generally, it has been my experience that the merchant's processor is at fault more often than not.

As far as suing, those issues have been taken care of in your cardmember agreement. Which you agreed to by using the card.

[wilson]

Ouch - there's really just no good way to redeem that.

I'm running through a ton of possible scenarios, but all have problems. Hopefully you convinced her it really was a mistake and she'll reflect on this and give you another chance. Good luck.

And if not - well, then she wasn't the right girl for you anyway ;)

I say don't completely give up on her yet. After all, at least she's not a Kentucky fan.;)

[knights68]

oh man oh man, I feel your pain. Happened to me once or twice in a lifetime of dates, but the sting and stigma (and assumptions of you) remain.
Perhaps if she treated you different from the point of declination forward, this maybe told you more of her character than you realized too.
Maybe, just maybe, the incident was a good thing especially if she acted stand offish afterwards. In which case, you avoided a real mess of a chick!
Just a thought.

[aimo]

If she truly acted differently b/c of this, then she is classless and does not deserve your fine company, Earljam.

Speaking as a female, I understand that these things happen, usually at the worst possible moment, and I would have probably made 1) several jabs at your expense (all in good fun) and 2) an offer to pay "this time".

Since you had another card that worked, it's obvious you weren't trying to scam her into paying for the meal. She's just clueless. Move on.

[SouthgateWindsor]

she is not...never could be... the girl for you (if you're looking, that is). The "right" lady would have laughed about it with you....been steamed with you... felt your embarassment,...maybe offered to pay, etc.

Don't waste any time thinking about it. Push on.

I speak from experience.... believe me....

Yes!! And stated very eloquently, too. The incident actually might have been a blessing in disguise.