pfrduke
01-08-2010, 11:41 AM
Some genius(es) with way too much time on his/their hand(s) rewrote the Big Lebowski as a work of Shakespeare (http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/), and it's transcendent. The Dude appears as "The Knave." The site is currently overwhelmed with hits, but here's an excerpt to whet your whistle:
DONALD
The jousts and games of sport continue on;
The looming tourney plans are posted high
And stand recorded in this schedule writ.
WALTER
Donald, hold thy tongue—no, stay, I err.
When do they set our match of open air?
DONALD
Faith, we face Joshua Quince and the Irishman this very Saturday.
WALTER
Saturday! Unhappy fortune. Something was forgotten in the state of office. A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanac; find a date uncancell’d by destiny. What manner of fool is he that scheduled this date? I did take pains to disclose my unavailability.
DONALD
Marry, ‘twas Burkhalter.
WALTER
A German, all slops, or low Dutch; thrice I made him to know that I roll not on Saturday.
DONALD
But posted it be; what’s done cannot be undone.
WALTER
They shall unpost it, by my life!
THE KNAVE
I care not, Walter—what of that poor woman?
WALTER
Peace, Knave; she will tire of her little game anon, and wander back in the manner of the punished cur, tail between her legs.
DONALD
Wherefore thou playest not at ninepins on Saturday, Sir Walter?
WALTER
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy.
DONALD
The jousts and games of sport continue on;
The looming tourney plans are posted high
And stand recorded in this schedule writ.
WALTER
Donald, hold thy tongue—no, stay, I err.
When do they set our match of open air?
DONALD
Faith, we face Joshua Quince and the Irishman this very Saturday.
WALTER
Saturday! Unhappy fortune. Something was forgotten in the state of office. A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanac; find a date uncancell’d by destiny. What manner of fool is he that scheduled this date? I did take pains to disclose my unavailability.
DONALD
Marry, ‘twas Burkhalter.
WALTER
A German, all slops, or low Dutch; thrice I made him to know that I roll not on Saturday.
DONALD
But posted it be; what’s done cannot be undone.
WALTER
They shall unpost it, by my life!
THE KNAVE
I care not, Walter—what of that poor woman?
WALTER
Peace, Knave; she will tire of her little game anon, and wander back in the manner of the punished cur, tail between her legs.
DONALD
Wherefore thou playest not at ninepins on Saturday, Sir Walter?
WALTER
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy.