Stress

[sue71]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?

I'm single, and my cat doesn't quite understand or relate (she's such a princess). I have friends I vent to, and they're great, but I only want to pile so much on them. I'd love to work out, which I'd started to do before work blew up, but right now I neither have the time or the energy. I'm finding myself eating pretty badly these days, and I'm just generally surly and snarky.

Anyone have any advice? Much appreciated!

[CameronBornAndBred]

Wow Sue that sucks. My job can get stressfull, but I try my best not to let it affect me outside of work. When I leave, I try to leave it at the office, but I know that can be hard if not impossible. Honestly, if it is as bad as it sounds, and your work is affecting your own quality of life adversely as you say, then you should quit. Seriously. I don't know what you do, but I bet you a hundred Monopoly dollars that you can do it for someone else and have a better day. No job is worth being miserable over.

[UVaAmbassador]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?

I'm single, and my cat doesn't quite understand or relate (she's such a princess). I have friends I vent to, and they're great, but I only want to pile so much on them. I'd love to work out, which I'd started to do before work blew up, but right now I neither have the time or the energy. I'm finding myself eating pretty badly these days, and I'm just generally surly and snarky.

Anyone have any advice? Much appreciated!

Unfortunately, my solution to a stressful career has been booze. I don't recommend it. Exerecize is better.

[hc5duke]

Exercise is better.

I don't do this nearly enough, but I concur. When I get back from the gym, I feel a lot less stressed out than before. Maybe it's a combination of the endorphins and shifting your focus, but I think it helps.

[pfrduke]

Unfortunately, my solution to a stressful career has been booze. I don't recommend it. Exerecize is better.

This: "Exerecize" definitely reflects this: "my solution to a stressful career has been booze"

As an actual answer, exercise, exercise, and exercise, with a healthy helping of getting out in the sunlight.

And if that doesn't work, booze.

[Bostondevil]

Can you change jobs? (I'm kidding on the square here.)

If that's not a possibility, in addition to exercise, I recommend yoga and/or knitting. They work for me. My job isn't too stressful but the rest of my life is, yoga and knitting save me. One caveat, if the word 'power' appears anywhere in the class description, it's not yoga. Power yoga is an oxymoron of the first order. Find a class in the traditional hatha or kirpalu branches.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?


Work to live, don't live to work. Work is what you do, not who you are.

Seriously, you shouldn't let work get you down. I don't know what you do, but if you didn't do it, who's affected? Does your work involve the safety and security of multitudes of people and really is important in the grand scheme of things, or is it some piddling middle manager who wants you to do everything to make him/her look good for a product that if it didn't exist, nobody would miss it? Think pointy haired guy in Dilbert.

Answer those questions, not to me but to yourself, then re-assess why you should be stressed. If you freak out and break down, it won't do the company, or us (your biggest and best support group) any good, now will it?

Let us know how it all turns out!

[DukeUsul]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?

I'm single, and my cat doesn't quite understand or relate (she's such a princess). I have friends I vent to, and they're great, but I only want to pile so much on them. I'd love to work out, which I'd started to do before work blew up, but right now I neither have the time or the energy. I'm finding myself eating pretty badly these days, and I'm just generally surly and snarky.

Anyone have any advice? Much appreciated!

Sorry to hear about it Sue. I know how rough that can be. I typically release pent up stress, anxiety, anger through music. Either banging on the piano or wallowing in some soulful licks on the sax. I don't know if you play anything - but finding something like music or exercise that let's you release the emotions is the best bet.

[Lavabe]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?

I'm single, and my cat doesn't quite understand or relate (she's such a princess). I have friends I vent to, and they're great, but I only want to pile so much on them. I'd love to work out, which I'd started to do before work blew up, but right now I neither have the time or the energy. I'm finding myself eating pretty badly these days, and I'm just generally surly and snarky.

Anyone have any advice? Much appreciated!

Sorry to read about your work stress Sue. I got over mine through the fairly arduous task of getting a new job (not the easiest task in the academic world). Prior to the change, however, ycch. It manifested itself in sleep, blood pressure, and family issues. I very much feel your pain.

During my stressed out days, the Atlanta DBR Mafia (EarlJam, Wilson, and Shammrog) were the folks outside of my world that gave me instant reality checks. Without them, there was only so much that ILoveJimmy could take in; the outside checks helped a great deal. I also saw some similar situations elsewhere on the DBR, and was able to identify and respond better to the issues surrounding me.

Besides the exercise that others have recommended, I suggest getting together with other LA DBR Mafia members (or whatever y'all call yourselves). Shoot, I almost became one of y'all. Mom, 2535, jules, and more ... it's a great group out there.

Also, if you are feeling some physical issues, you might just want to make a general check-up with your doctor. I wish I had done so early; I wouldn't have suffered so long had I met with a doctor when I first noticed issues.

Cheers,
Lavabe

[EarlJam]

Wow Sue that sucks. My job can get stressfull, but I try my best not to let it affect me outside of work. When I leave, I try to leave it at the office, but I know that can be hard if not impossible. Honestly, if it is as bad as it sounds, and your work is affecting your own quality of life adversely as you say, then you should quit. Seriously. I don't know what you do, but I bet you a hundred Monopoly dollars that you can do it for someone else and have a better day. No job is worth being miserable over.

Agreed completely on this. And exercise. It's the wonder "drug."

It also helps to know you have an army of people here that have your back. Call on us anytime.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes things just have to suck for a while, and there's nothing wrong with a good cry. It's going to get better though. That's a promise.

Hang in there and keep your eyes on the boards. Sending positive vibes your way.

-EarlJam

[elvis14]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?




I don't do this nearly enough, but I concur. When I get back from the gym, I feel a lot less stressed out than before. Maybe it's a combination of the endorphins and shifting your focus, but I think it helps.


Work to live, don't live to work. Work is what you do, not who you are.


Good post Sue and one I really needed to read. My stress level from work has been steadily increasing over the last year and it has been creeping into how I act and what I do outside of work as well. I agree with what others have said about exercise, it's a great stress reliever. Ozzie, I've always been a work to live guy but lately it's been hard to maintain the proper balance.

In the world of catch 22, for me exercise (meaning working out both lifting and cardio) has always been the greatest stress reliever.....but the worse my stress gets the harder it is for me to get started with good workout habits!

[hurleyfor3]

Start going home at five. (Assuming it's not your own business.) If stuff doesn't get done it's the company's problem, not yours.

[2535Miles]

Work is causing me incredible stress these days. I mean nearly off the charts. I cry- I'm a crier when I stress out, and I've started crying in my office on a daily basis. It's really bad.

So my question is this: What do you do to relieve stress? How do you cope?

I'm single, and my cat doesn't quite understand or relate (she's such a princess). I have friends I vent to, and they're great, but I only want to pile so much on them. I'd love to work out, which I'd started to do before work blew up, but right now I neither have the time or the energy. I'm finding myself eating pretty badly these days, and I'm just generally surly and snarky.

Anyone have any advice? Much appreciated!
For a quick remedy, I suggest pasta bolognese and a bottle of wine. :D While I do find eating food to help a bit, cooking is a major stress relief for me. I definitely get by with a little help from my friends so you can unload on me tonight, over pasta. I got your back Sue!

[CathyCA]

Sorry to read about your work stress Sue. I got over mine through the fairly arduous task of getting a new job (not the easiest task in the academic world). Prior to the change, however, ycch. It manifested itself in sleep, blood pressure, and family issues. I very much feel your pain.

During my stressed out days, the Atlanta DBR Mafia (EarlJam, Wilson, and Shammrog) were the folks outside of my world that gave me instant reality checks. Without them, there was only so much that ILoveJimmy could take in; the outside checks helped a great deal. I also saw some similar situations elsewhere on the DBR, and was able to identify and respond better to the issues surrounding me.

Besides the exercise that others have recommended, I suggest getting together with other LA DBR Mafia members (or whatever y'all call yourselves). Shoot, I almost became one of y'all. Mom, 2535, jules, and more ... it's a great group out there.

Also, if you are feeling some physical issues, you might just want to make a general check-up with your doctor. I wish I had done so early; I wouldn't have suffered so long had I met with a doctor when I first noticed issues.

Cheers,
Lavabe

Talk to your OB/GYN. The stress could be exacerbated by hormones run amok, and the docs have some amazing remedies that can make you feel like yourself again quickly.

Whatever you do, do NOT treat the stress with alcohol.

[UVaAmbassador]

Talk to your OB/GYN. The stress could be exacerbated by hormones run amok, and the docs have some amazing remedies that can make you feel like yourself again quickly.

If you say that too loud, the scientologists will hear you.;)

[CathyCA]

If you say that too loud, the scientologists will hear you.;)

Or they might offer give me one of those stress tests at the mall. . .

[Jfrosh]

Assess your current job. If this is a short term project causing stress or a new job with a tough learning curve that you see the stress level getting better then stick it out. Otherwise, life is too short. You need to find a job that you enjoy, or at the very least can tolerate without crying.

I agree with CathyCA as well, but as a man I'm not allowed to say it out loud.

[2535Miles]

Assess your current job. If this is a short term project causing stress or a new job with a tough learning curve that you see the stress level getting better then stick it out. Otherwise, life is too short. You need to find a job that you enjoy, or at the very least can tolerate without crying.

I agree with CathyCA as well, but as a man I'm not allowed to say it out loud.
You're not allowed to say "mall"? :p

[ForeverBlowingBubbles]

exercise - something you can improve in and see results - watch the cooking channel go to town in the kitchen - and a plant substance is good after you exercise to calm down again if you don't want your heart racing all night. When you don't exercise a lot - you get really devoid of energy. The more you start exercising - you will feel like you have more energy. It's just tough to force yourself to do. Get a work out partner and hold each other accountable.

Try biking, maybe try going to tennis clinics and getting on a tennis team. Keep your mind occupied. Try to avoid dealing with unneccesary drama.

Think about a new job, relocation if your just simply unhappy where you are and with what you are doing.

[CathyCA]

You're not allowed to say "mall"? :p

Oh, I almost forgot! Sue, sometimes a trip to the mall to buy a new pair of shoes can release stress.

[Fish80]

Sue, thanks for posting, sorry you are stressed. A lot of good solutions already mentioned. I employ alcohol (not a good idea) and exercise and my puppy and bad humor. :D

I've experimented with meditation and believe that it can be a great stress reliever. You may want to check that out.

Also, psychologists and psychiatrists can do great things. My son is bi-polar, and counseling and medication really improve his quality of life.

[sue71]

All-

I cannot thank you enough for the posts & pm's of support. I wish I had time to write more now (and I promise to later), but of course I'm buried at work at the moment. :rolleyes:

Y'all have put a smile on my face this morning, and for that I truly owe you. :)

Hugs,
Sue71

[Schwarz]

I had a real bad stretch of about 8 months of mandatory overtime and ridiculous deadlines at work. This constant stress was making me angry all the time, and I thought several times about just giving up and going off on a Tony Soprano style rant at my management. Instead I started exercising, and it really is the best drug to deal with this kind of stress. I sleep much better when I am physically tired, and I have more energy during the day from being in better shape.

I hope to keep my job for another 10-15 years because it pays very well, and I realize that I will need to actively manage my stress levels for the duration.

[Turk]

Sue71, sorry to hear about the stress at work and hope you can fix the situation (one way or another).... Meanwhile, my stress relief has always been humor - I'd rather laugh than cry, so I'll pull out a Dilbert book or watch Office reruns when things go nutty at work. Check this out: http://www.despair.com/ I love that stuff...

I've also been lucky to have at least one or two people on a doomed project to share in the gallows humor. But if you're the only sane person in the asylum, then it's time for a jailbreak... (Think Shawshank...) The other thing is music - if you can use your MP3 player at work that can help...

As for the work itself, I'd suggest trying to determine what your sustainable "best" effort is, and don't let them push you past it. In crazy deadline situations, I've been able to say "here's the extra time and effort we've put in, here's what we do and don't know, there's nothing else we can do, take it or leave it." (a bit more diplomatically than that of course). Or choices: "we can do it this way or that way - here are the tradeoffs - your pick". If they say "none of the above", well then it's time for Princess Bride quotes: "Get used to disappointment" or "don't rush a miracle man, you'll get rotten miracles." And let them try to find someone else who can come up with a better answer, but either way you can sleep well knowing you gave it your best shot.

Hang in there....
Turk

[sue71]

When I first opened the thread the morning after I posted it, I cried (in a good way) when I saw the outpouring from everyone. Again, thanks to everyone who offered well-wishes/suggestions/support. You are all wonderful and it means more to me than you can know.

I can't really go into details of my job here, as it is somewhat public. However the world will not end and the office will continue to run if I wasn't there or if something slipped along the way, although, that's not how I operate. I am very demanding, and have incredibly high standards at work- even more so for myself than for co-workers (though I tolerate very little from them). On top of that, the public and our internal customers tolerate even less, and to hear from any of them you would think that the world was ending for no reason at all.

I realize this is vague and wish I could explain more, but that is the daily crap I deal with. In addition, I was given a project on Tuesday that had a time-sensitive deadline of... Friday, by end of day. Please understand the following: First, I didn't receive the information needed for the project until Thursday around noon (after threatening Wednesday night that the project would be dead in the water if I did not receive all information by Thursday, 9am), effectively giving me 1/2 day to complete it and 1 day to test. Normally, I would have a minimum of 5 business days. Complicate this with the fact that I have not worked on a project of this detail or magnitude in several years, so I was a little (a lot?) rusty. Now throw in that I am the only person in the office that is capable of this project. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I'm working on an even bigger project that I'm already about 2 weeks behind on? Now make that 3 weeks. Yeahhhhhhh... that's something that I can see biting me in the arse in a few weeks when I come in very late on that project.

(Side note on the 1 1/2 day dropped-in-my-lap-because-no one-else-can-do-it project... I did convince my boss to, in the future, double our fees if we don't get that 5 business day advance window... I told her checks could be made out to ME. I was only half joking.)

It's not just about projects. I have other issues in the office, and unfortunately I can't go into details here. But let's just say personality issues and work ethic issues. Use your imagination.

Did I mention that we've been without an IT person for several months, during the worst possible time of year for us to not have one? I became 1 of 2 "appointed" IT people in the office. I'm not an IT person. 'Nuff said.

On top of everything else, I've had a good friend in the hospital for 2 weeks because her kidneys failed twice. She's home now, temporarily, but waiting for 4 different surgeons to coordinate their schedules so that her surgery can be set. I'm a mess over that alone.

I've been a wreck lately. My mom thinks that maybe I should consider a new line of work. That may not be a bad idea, but not one I'm willing to fully consider just yet. I spoke with my boss a little the other day and we discussed how we both envision some realignment in the office, and some changes for me. If they include 1. a promotion, 2. a raise, & 3. staff to help take some of the workload away from me, then I'll listen. If not, I'm going to have a counter-proposal ready. If I don't like what I hear, then I'm going to seriously have to consider my future career direction, and frankly, life direction.

Well, there in a very vague, non-descriptive, speaking-in-generalities type of way, is my story. Thanks again to all for reading, and thanks to DBR for fostering a place that extends beyond Duke Basketball & Duke University to be a community of great people from all walks of life, many of whom I'm proud to consider my friends.

Sue71

[OldPhiKap]

Sue -- sorry to hear about your situation. I have a very stressful job as well and it seems that I am in constant triage. When something blows up, it blows up in a public way. Arg.

There are some very good suggestions here, and I won't rehash. Therre are several prongs to what you face IMO:

1. Finding a stress relief/valve. Exercise is great. Playing guitar got me through some rough times as well. In one particularly stressful period, I decided to write a story on my computer -- no real editing, just typing what came along in my mind. It was cr@p but it really allowed an effective outlet and let me work out some hostilities on poor imaginary characters.

2. Identify the sources of stress and the ways to minimize them. Stress relief helps treat the symptoms but does not cure the issue. Take out a pad of paper and write down the sources of your stress, and then brainstorm on solutions. If it is a personality problem, can it be addressed politely with the person? Or can you find a way to lessen your contact with them? Etc. As far as the flow of work, is there a better way to organize the flow of work (either within your sphere or within the department)? It is important to not only treat the stress through relief valves but also to stem the initial source.

3. Being Irish, I often fall back on the old Irish prayer:

May the Lord give me the strength to change that which I can;
The serenity to accept that which I cannot;
And the wisdom to tell the difference between the two.

(You get the point whether you're religious or not, I'm sure.)

Best of luck, Sue. Mega e-vibes your way.

-- OPK

[sue71]

Sometimes it's the little things.

Today I received an out-of-the-blue email from my boss' boss' boss (3 up from me & a Sr VP) thanking me for all I did on the crazy project last week and all I do in general in the office. That felt good. :)

Then, he stopped by and hugged me and thanked me again. I don't feel SO out on an island at the moment. Let's hope it continues.

[Indoor66]

Sometimes it's the little things.

Today I received an out-of-the-blue email from my boss' boss' boss (3 up from me & a Sr VP) thanking me for all I did on the crazy project last week and all I do in general in the office. That felt good. :)

Then, he stopped by and hugged me and thanked me again. I don't feel SO out on an island at the moment. Let's hope it continues.

There is always a little sunshine, be patient.... It is the time between that is the insanity.

[BlueDevilBaby]

Agree with the exercise solution. Also, when was your last vacation? I was feeling rather stressed as well. I waited eight months to take any significant time off - much too long for my job and the hours I work. After a week off and totally away from the job I feel much better. Hope things work out. Good vibes heading your way right now.

[budwom]

I think a well thought out discussion with your boss (bosses) is in order. You are obviously valued, but your boss evidently isn't aware of the stress you're justifiably feeling. A good boss will work with you on this, i.e. come up with a plan to help relieve it.

When work starts affecting your health, it's time to reconsider your vocation.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

Sometimes it's the little things.

Today I received an out-of-the-blue email from my boss' boss' boss (3 up from me & a Sr VP) thanking me for all I did on the crazy project last week and all I do in general in the office. That felt good. :)

Then, he stopped by and hugged me and thanked me again. I don't feel SO out on an island at the moment. Let's hope it continues.

OK, so now he's sexually harassed you. Now get him to put more than a little bit in your paycheck!

[DukePA]

Sometimes it's the little things.

Today I received an out-of-the-blue email from my boss' boss' boss (3 up from me & a Sr VP) thanking me for all I did on the crazy project last week and all I do in general in the office. That felt good. :)

Then, he stopped by and hugged me and thanked me again. I don't feel SO out on an island at the moment. Let's hope it continues.

I'm sending big e-hugs to you. Hang in there. Sometimes the best we can do is to remember to just breathe. All you have to get through is this moment, right now.

Donna